WHAT TO DO WHEN THEY DON’T LOVE YOU BACK

Forgive them…

A person that you love that can’t love you back isn’t to say they don’t have a heart. But the way that they know love will be based on their life experiences and understanding of love. When you love someone that can’t love you back it’s not always personal. They may be operating and navigating through life battling with their own insecurities, a broken heart and a lost soul.

They may be hurting and may not know how to love you because they don’t understand how to love themselves. They can be holding on to years of suppressed pain that they haven’t dealt with or healed from. When hurt people hurt people it’s because their “free will” has dominion over their life and they are seeking to fill a void by searching for something beyond the love you give to make their pain go away.

They will continue to look to outside sources to make them happy and to make them feel whole because they do not have the understanding that their happiness and wholeness comes from within. They are serving and feeding their flesh (ego and pride) and starving their soul and though you may love them they are hurting you. Just because their pain is understandable does not mean their behavior to hurt you is acceptable.

Love and Ego cannot exist together. We are souls having a human experience and we’re either a slave to our flesh or a faithful servant to our soul. If you are feeding and serving one, the other will starve. When we starve we die. So we must choose to die to our flesh and submit to God’s love which comes from our soul in order to change a painful narrative.

We are weak to our flesh and powerless on our own and without seeking God’s grace and intervention we cannot and will not change on our own. We will fall into worldly temptation seeking fulfillment from vices to mend our broken hearts. When our free will is at work instead of us surrendering to God’s will, we will fall short, we will sin and we will hurt those that love us and that we claim to love.

Although you may love someone from your soul with every ounce of your existence, it is impossible for them to reciprocate your level of love and for them to understand that level of love without their own knowing of God’s love and having self-love. If they understand love differently they can’t love equally.

Forgive them and love them without expectation because them not loving you back may not have nothing to do with you if you gave them your best, do not take it personal. Love them from a distance in order to protect yourself from their pain being projected onto you but do not expect them to love you back when they are broken and operating under their flesh and with an empty soul. If their soul is empty they can’t give you what they don’t have to give.

Forgive them and pray for their healing so that they may seek and cultivate love and a relationship with the higher power so that their soul can be filled with love to give, and that they may be healed and saved. It is most important to love them towards salvation instead of seeking their love to make your flesh feel good.

Love is the one emotion that has the most influence and power over our lives. Love can heal wounds and set people free from self-doubt. Love can heal the aching soul and melt a cold heart, and yes love will be painful along the way if it is cultivated in the flesh.

In order to survive, we all need to be loved and unconditional love and lasting love can only come from the heart and soul not the flesh. Love from the soul is what will lead our minds and our bodies into healthy choices and loving behavior. So when they can’t love you back, forgive them and love them from a distance and continue to pray for their healing, recovery and salvation.

Flying With Broken Wings

Don’t Break a bird’s wings and then expect it to be able to fly.

Don’t break a heart and then expect it to be able to love.

Don’t break a soul and then expect it to be happy…

Najwa Zebian

Yes this is quite the expression of the reality of the human spirit. When it is broken it is all too easy to lose hope and to do the opposite of what you once did that was so good…

But what if you are the one that was meant to fly even with broken wings, continue to love with the broken heart and still find your joy when happy no longer lives in your soul?

You probably often wonder who is going to care for you, the one that still cares to care when so many in this world is so cold…

Well I say, continue being one of the ones that are not like those that give hate because they receive hate and are not like those that give bad because they received bad…

I often wonder why is it that the one that is willing to give their best and their all is consistently the one left to feel sad.

Why would anyone feel so comfortable with hurting a person that gives so much of themselves and their resources to enhance another?

Why are there people not willing to reciprocate love and kindness, equally contributing to others?

Is it safe to say that you should stop loving those that show you no love in return?

Or do you continue to love, continue to give and allow your heart to continue to burn.

Well I say, love anyway and continue to be you, the person before the pain and adversity…

you are the one with good character and choose to love, so continue to be kind because of your integrity.

Continue to live and walk in the light that shines from the goodness of your soul and continue to do all of the good that you do.

If a person can’t appreciate or receive your love and kindness, just let them be but don’t allow their actions to change you.

A broken wing, a broken heart or a broken soul wont stop me…

 

 

Not Everyone Has That 

The Lord has blessed me with a strong, beautiful, mother, she is very intelligent and caring, she took care of me for all of my years now

Not everyone has that 

A woman that has a strong voice, a woman that is starting to embrace her natural beauty, a woman that wants the best for her child

Not everyone has that 

Her heart is full of love, it’s as red as a rose, for red represents the color of passion her brain is occupied by knowledge

Not everyone has that

She has a son that wants the best for her, he has potential for his future, a future that can make her life better

Not everyone has that

The boy loves her, unconditionally and sometimes it’s hard to show, only because of the habits he had learned from his sanctuary

Not everyone has that

Thank you for all the things you have done for me. Everything is going to be fine, just give it time…

I love you Mom

Happy Mother’s Day

KR Ellis 

5/14/17-  written for me by my son!

 Character Impact (Article Blog)

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Our actions will always speak louder than our words. Even when people aren’t listening to us they are always watching, looking to see what we are doing. We have no idea how much of an influence we may have over a person’s life whether they know us or not and whether our influence be good or bad.  Our actions have a tremendous impact on people. Actions can hurt or heal, bless a person or break a person. Too often people spend more time perfecting their personality and their speech without actually doing the things they speak about. People would rather see a sermon than to hear one any day. The way we “consistently” behave is from the core of who we are and from our moral fabric and what we believe.  Our character is why we do something and our personality is how we do it.

Our actions should be in line with our character and what we believe.  What we believe is how we should behave. When our personality overrides our character, we may do good things for others but that doesn’t make us a good person.  Our personality behavior is motive driven and may be perceived as traits of having good character. Our personality can be wrapped up in charisma, fun, charm and positive energy in a way that appeals to be favorable in the moment.  But when we are led by character, we will do what we believe in our heart at all times and in all situations. You may be able to trick some people some of the time with personality, but they are watching.

A person that is of good moral character will “consistently” act out of integrity, consideration, honor and respect for self and others.  Sometimes we make mistakes, poor decisions and we behave badly, but the core of who we are will dictate the delivery of our intentions.  Sometimes a person’s behavior is not meant for harm or ill will. If the behavior was not intended, was misunderstood, or may have caused pain or hurt to someone, a person of good character will attempt to make it right by taking corrective action.

An apology is not action. If you sincerely care about the person and did not mean to hurt them your apology should be followed up with action and changed behavior. Ask this question, “What can I do to fix this or how can I make this right?” And then be willing to do what is asked of you.  Sometimes our actions can cause very unfavorable reactions and this is by no means the result or the desired outcome we want to be left with in our situations and interactions with the people we care about and love.

If you have a character flaw of selfishly or carelessly behaving and acting without consideration of the impact your actions may have on someone else’s life, emotions or well-being, this could be very dangerous territory. Not every person you come across is mentally or emotionally stable and equipped to handle such encounters. Not one person is exempt from having gone through loss, heartache and heartbreak but some of us do not have a strong enough will to recover from one more let down from damaging behaviors and choices that can detrimentally affect our life… You without being consciously aware could be the straw that breaks the Camel’s back for that person. Your actions may lead them into a harmful or unhealthy action. Emotional pain has a long term effect on the human psyche and is harder and takes longer to recover from than physical pain.

The consequences of our choices are greater than our desires when we behave selfishly. When we do not take into consideration how our behavior can impact a person, especially those that we are close to, love or  have  entrusted into our world, this can have an adverse effect to our well-being. Our behaviors can potentially trigger someone into a depression, physical illness, heart attack, stroke or worst case scenario; can trigger them to want to take their own life and perhaps yours. God forbid, but if our choices and behaviors do not cost us our life that doesn’t mean it won’t cost us. That of course is if we have a heart and a conscious and actually care how our actions affect others. Karma and consequences will have their day; they do not hand out IOU’s or passes. And we all will have to face the consequences of our choices and actions.

Choosing to be selfish, careless and deceptive with our free will by exploiting other’s emotions is like poisoning the soil of the earth in which we also have to eat from, live on and exist in. Every time we knowingly and intentionally hurt others we are hurting ourselves. When we act out of good moral character, we make a conscious effort, decision and choice to do the right thing and treat others the way we would want to be treated.  Ask yourself, “Who am I?” and “What do I stand for when no one is around or watching?” “Who am I without my material possessions, talents, abilities, personality and perhaps my desirable physical attributes?” “What are my core beliefs about mankind, what are my standards and values?” “How is my character?”

If God took away everything you have and everything that you are able to do what kind of person would you be? That is what will define you. Character is what will be the determining factor for who stays loyal to you if life presents you with illness, tragedy, hardship or loss.  By the way, “their character,” not yours… If you are selfish, careless and a person that have very little regard, respect or consideration for how you treat others, it will be by God’s mercy and grace that the people that love you are able to forgive you and be “who they are” and be there for you in your most vulnerable and humbling time of need. When you don’t have good character to stand on when you are down, you will inevitably lose your people too. Don’t break a bird’s wings and then expect him to be able to fly…

Many of us are not grounded in our self-awareness and internal spirit and through our flesh we are not selfless to be able to love unconditionally. Our flesh is weak and will fall to ego, selfish desires and temptation most of the time if we act on our own free will.  When our character is flawed, most people can only love us or will be around us for what we can give them or do for them for their personal gain. When we have good character, people love us and want to be around us for who we are, for how we treat them and for how we make them feel.

If you don’t have and are not working towards having a good character no matter what show you put on for the outside world, you will eternally endure hardship, long suffering and pain in your life.  Be careful not to allow what you have in the physical realm of life, material possessions, talents, attributes, gifts, skills and personality to overshadow who you are on the inside (your character).  The most important thing for you to master is your character because at the end of the day, everything you have and everything you can do can be taken from you in a blink of an eye. Your character will be your true legacy, your character will be what you’re remembered for when you’re long gone.

Having good character is one of my highest values. Each day I strive to live a life that reflects that I’m a woman with virtues that promote integrity, good behavior and loyalty.   It is important to me to be mindful of how I treat others and how I show up in the world. Because I care about others, I also care about how people receive and perceive me and I have no desire to ever willfully hurt or deceive others by my choices and actions.  I am responsible for my behavior and I know how important it is to be a walking example and not a talking one.

I have been blessed to hear about how much my life has motivated, influenced, inspired and encouraged others just by the way I conduct myself and live.  This is why I choose to cultivate my character. I am here to serve God and to serve others with my gifts and talents and I strive to be better, do better and love better.

I have made mistakes, bad choices and decisions that didn’t turn out best for my life and heart’s desire, choices that have left me broken. I am a healing work in progress and I know that everything I have gone through has purpose. I am thankful and grateful for my experiences, heartbreaks and the painful chapters of my life as they have made me stronger and wiser and have provided me with valuable lessons and the opportunity to grow and to do better next time.  The work of self should never come to an end and like change is constant, nothing is meant to last forever and we were not born to stay the same.  If ever we are done changing, learning or growing we are done!

And remember, somebody is always watching…

When Hurt People Hurt People they are Still in Need of Love

Just look beyond his smile and look deep into his eyes, if you look closely, you will see it’s just his protective disguise… he wears his pain so well hidden, on his handsome well groomed face but his hurt runs deep, excruciatingly deep occupying his entire internal space…just look, look into his eyes and look beyond his smile, you will see the pain he’s been secretly suffering and he’s been hurting for quite a while. Slow down and pay attention and just look in silence and listen, his eyes will tell you all about his pain something he tries to avoid and not mention. And when you ask him if he’s ok, know that he’s not ok…he says he’s fine just to keep you away from seeing his vulnerability today. He is crying out for help and is just hoping that you can see, that he wants to trust the one that looks into his eyes and see his inner plea. He tries to stay strong on the outside because that is what a man is “supposed” to be, so he gives you what is expected and that is all you’re able to see… he’s dying on the inside drowning in a sea, a sea of wounds and hurt, desperately gasping for air, not sure if he wants to continue to breath. His life is on life support from living a falsehood of happy perception but that smile on his face if you pay close attention is in need of love, acceptance and protection. In need of affection, in need of understanding and in need of resurrection. His silence is his protection it’s not him being arrogant, anti-social or shy, his silence is his protective shield that keeps his eyes from crying. He wants to cry so desperately oh how he needs to cry… he avoids meeting you eye to eye so automatically you think that he’s fixing up a lie, because his pain he can’t continue to hide if you look deep into his eyes… The eyes are the mirror to the soul if you look closely maybe you will see, just maybe it’s your reflection that you will see,  your own pain in him and your need to look deep into his eyes not realizing that it’s to set your own pain free…

“He’s Just a Complacent, Misunderstood A$$hole!”

By looking at the cover photo of this article, I would guess that it is very typical for most men to go for lady type “A” for the pizzazz, curves and sex appeal, but there are those that prefer type “B” conservative brilliance, intriguing appeal and modest attractiveness. And then you have the egotistical guy that believes he should have both. 

We all fall into being one or the other but not both and sometimes our personalities can be both or in between the two depending on the situation. We are never the two together at any given time but we are definitely more of one over the other. You can’t be both modest and boastful together.

If there are two ways of spreading light, one way is to be the candle and the other is to be the mirror that reflects the candle. It’s only by interpretation and preference then that separate the two, but both in their own way and style, are giving off light the same. This is a great analogy for understanding the difference between preference and knowing if someone is just an asshole or if they are simply being misunderstood.

Type A and Type B personalities.

Type A personalities are the candles, they are the ones that are full of energy, charisma, zeal and at the forefront. Type B personalities on the other hand put out every bit as much light; they just are the ones that are most misunderstood and don’t get as much recognition for it.  And be careful because as the saying goes, “Everything that glitters isn’t Gold!” Sometimes Type As appear to be more appealing than they really are.

Type Bs don’t have all of the jazzy sparkle and sizzle that attract everyone’s attention. Since Type Bs aren’t as in your face about their contributions, they have a tendency to get mislabeled as lazy, aloof or indifferent. That bias can create a great breakdown in interpreting type B’s intent and cause a breakdown in communication leading to misunderstandings. Type A personalities usually will have a false interpretation of type B’s intent because the two personality types view the world through a different lens and navigate the world by a different compass, but both will usually want and mean the same thing and end up at the same destination, it’s just a different path that they chose to get there.

It’s as if Type As believe that Type Bs lack the distinguishing characteristics that drive them to be successful. Type Bs, however, know that this couldn’t be further from the truth. The very traits that people assume are the products of laziness or indifference are distinct personality characteristics that help Type Bs to achieve and prosper.

Unlike Type As, Type Bs don’t feel like they have to be in the spotlight or in the forefront which mean they are OK with recognizing and admitting their weaknesses. This acknowledgment equips them to work on those weaknesses to become a better person. Contrary to how you perceive Type Bs, they are easier to get along with as they tend to be patient and supportive rather than pushy and quick to place blame or judgments on others.

Type Bs don’t jump to conclusions. Since they’re not in a constant rush, they take the time to analyze all the facts instead of hurrying their analysis just to reach a decision. Type Bs also won’t keep beating a dead horse. Whereas Type As can become obsessed with making their chosen strategy work, Type Bs easily switch gears when it becomes obvious something isn’t working.

In a nutshell, Type B personalities deserve a lot more credit than they get. They are not heartless, cold and lazy, they are just laid back. They are more introverted, modest and observant.

Just because their goals aren’t pulsating like strobe lights on their foreheads doesn’t mean they don’t have any. They move in silence, they don’t advertise their every move and accomplishments. They like to handle most things privately. Type Bs have goals, and do care about them just as much as Type As care about theirs. But Bs see achieving those goals as a journey, not a sprint. Bs may stop and smell the proverbial roses along the way, and still stay focused on where they are going and what they need to do to get there.

If you are a Type A personality, be careful not to count Type Bs out. Type Bs want to succeed at a high level as much as Type As do however, they’d rather enjoy the journey and not wait until they reach the destination to be happy, feel achievement or to feel successful.

Bs are awed by A’s drive and by A’s breathtaking pace. They recognize the rewards that come As way, and are very impressed. But Bs are wise enough to know that they are not wired that way. They’d be miserable, and so would everyone around them if they had to do things the way As carry on. So, Bs are content hanging out in the slow lane and will see you at the finish line. They’ll be the ones who are smiling calmly, rather than gasping for breath.