Spending your feelings? Well how much is that costing you? (Article Blog)


What is spending your feelings?
It is when all of your acts of kindness that you project on to a person that you have a strong attraction and personal attachment to are being done for the sake of gaining something in return. It is like making a purchase; buying something that you really want because you believe having it will make you happy. The action that ends up happening when you spend your feelings is that you will begin to think like you are throwing money away or that you are being cheated or scammed when the product in this case “person “doesn’t provide you with the fulfillment that you desired from them.

If you continue to be nice to someone and do nice things for them and give them your time and extend other things to them based upon strong emotions and how you feel about them and they do not show appreciation or do the same for you in return, you feel like you were robbed of something or lost something valuable. You equate this experience to waste, the waste of your time, emotions, and perhaps money. Unfortunately there is no guaranteed return on your spending when it comes to your feelings, emotions or love. This is why it is so important to understand that someone’s value isn’t contingent on how much you invest or spend on them. Placing a value on someone is setting a price to them and treating them as if they can be bought.

It is better to invest your feelings than it is to spend them. Investing is to love because it is something you desire to do and something that you can afford to do. Meaning, you are willing to pour into and fill up someone’s heart with your stuff! You are able to love when you are emotionally and spiritually mature enough to be selfless. Love doesn’t cost a thing, it’s a donation! Do not put your focus and cares on what the other person does; it is not about them and what they do, it is about your ability and willingness to give without expectation.

Once you stop making up stories to yourself about how people need to earn your love, you can actually evaluate a person’s true character before you extend yourself and you can free yourself to experience the greatest explosion of love by giving it. Love is healing and infectious. Consistent acts of it will cause a person to change in a spiritual and supernatural kind of way. In that changing phase of them, they will see how to love by your example, and eventually will learn how to love back. Most people have no clue how to love selflessly. It takes practice and patients and a consistent and constant demonstration of your love in action. Love is not a noun it’s a verb.

It takes courage to allow yourself to fully extend yourself without hesitation, fear or expectations. You must risk being vulnerable in order to truly love. Our greatest fear in doing this is being rejected. We do not want to experience the emotional reality of the sting from loving someone that will not love us back. We relate the rejection to being defected, unworthy, or not being good enough or even enough. Just imagine that. Most everyone is living their life trying to protect themselves by treading lightly and holding back love, one of the greatest expressions ever felt. We continue to experience this emotional pain because our brains are wired to believe that if you love someone they are supposed to love you back. We cannot make the connection of love equates to rejection. It just doesn’t make sense. When we can’t make sense of it, we tend to suffer logically and emotionally.

I know this is all very confusing because we were taught and conditioned to believe that we should only love those that love us back, or stay loyal to our commitments because of the time invested. But when it comes to being mistreated or disrespected, there are boundaries and rules that apply. You can still love someone out of care and concern for their well-being, but you don’t need to accept and tolerate being mentally, verbally, emotionally and physically mistreated to prove it. You have to love yourself enough to know that you are worthy of respect and that you are valuable. If you are not able to serve them to a higher good or they don’t serve you to a higher good, you must lovingly release them and yourself. When there is no respect and value flowing between you, time Invested is never a good reason to stay in an unhealthy and non-loving relationship.

When we continue to invest emotionally into others and do not receive the emotional response intended, it does something very damaging to our psyche and heart. It creates a fear inside of us that makes us want to shield and protect our vulnerabilities. We shut down emotionally and are not willing to take future risks on displaying those emotions again because we don’t want to feel the hurt of being denied or rejected. But once you stop internalizing these emotions and projecting them onto yourself, you will realize that there is an overflow of love that can be shared over and over again. Remember it is not about you, stop loving to get and start loving to give. You give life, chance, hope, encouragement, inspiration, joy, motivation and so much more to a person’s existence when you just love them! And when a person is loved right, they become ten times the woman or man they once were.

Love is the deepest emotional feeling ever felt. Love is mainly attached to feelings and actions. We often feel a certain way which leads us to do things to reflect how we feel. It is a cause and a defect. We tend to be kinder, give more, do more because of these strong feelings of attraction that we have for someone. But when we do these things, the condition or expectation is that the person we are giving our love to will give it back to us in return. Our greatest misconception about love is that we find a reason as to why we should love someone rather than just loving them. Here is where the defect comes in to play. Our motive to love a person is entangled in our ego. Everything we do for someone is to please self not to truly please them. We are self-indulgent and yes selfish. The first thing we say to ourselves before we decide if we are going to love is, “how is this person going to benefit me?” What can I gain? Love has to be a selfless act otherwise your feelings will always get hurt and you will often be disappointed on a consistent basis. If you continue to believe that if I give this then I will get that, or when I do this I should feel this, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

When you love because it is who you are and how you are, it’s not conditional. There are no contingencies. You don’t love contingent on a person’s looks, behavior or if “you” decide they are deserving of it. We are all worthy and deserving of love. God gave it to each and every one of us through his salvation, his daily mercy and grace. We didn’t earn it. He continues to love us through our mistakes and our bad choices as we exercise our free will.

The ability to Love others is a reflection of the God in us. Love is action; it is what you do and how you give of yourself. We tend to want to punish the person that does not reciprocate our love by withholding our love from them. Again, this is ego driven selfish behavior. The craziest thing will happen when you find yourself just doing what you should be doing because your heart is leading you to do it without worrying about the outcome. No matter what happens, you sharing and expressing love is a beautiful thing and the person will experience it even if they can’t express appreciation or gratitude for it. If you can just remove your personal desires out of the way when it comes to love and focus on doing and giving, it will comfort you and leave you feeling full and satisfied to know that your love was genuine. Having the ability to make a difference in someone’s soul just by loving them even if they are not able to love you back elevates your level of humility; this is courageous and comes from a place of strength and maturity.


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