How do you know when a situation, a relationship, a long-term commitment or even a purchase is right for you?
When making a major and perhaps life changing decision in our lives, it comes with a great amount of emotions filled with fear, anxiety, hesitation and uncertainty unless we know without a doubt that what we are about to do is for us and feels right, and we know that this is “The One”
No major decision comes without the wonder of “am I doing the right thing?” or “should I go forward with this?” But when the situation is right, it will fall into place naturally without much thought or effort because you and your choice are aligned. When you find yourself in a situation or relationship that seems forced, problematic, hard, draining, exhausting, overwhelming etc. this is not the meaning of “relationships/opportunities are hard and takes a lot of work” that you should be feeling and experiencing. Relationships/Opportunities that share your same vision, values and joys are not hard and draining although yes work is required, but it’s important to know the difference.
Fear is what tempts us to settle and make something work that was never meant to be. A friend of mine recently mentioned to me in a conversation that the “S” word is just as strong as the “L” word. They were talking about “Settling” and “Love.” When you love someone, you do whatever it takes to hang in there and make it work, but you are likely to do the same thing when you settle…When we settle, we will do whatever it takes to “force” it to work because we chose this thing and now we want to know that we didn’t make a mistake so we want it to work for our “ego’s sake or for our circumstances sake even if the pieces to the puzzle doesn’t fit.
You’ll always regret making a permanent decision out of something that was meant to be temporary. So if you’re contemplating a commitment to someone or something that’s long-term, you’ve got to dig deep and be brutally honest with yourself. Making decisions from a place of authenticity and love and not from a place of desperation or fear will always point you in the right direction.
Here are (5) sure signs that can help you determine if the opportunity in front of you is or is definitely NOT “The One.”
1. You feel like you have to change who you are to make it work.
When something or someone is meant for you, you can be yourself. You will feel inspired to be the best version of yourself, and who you are at your core will be an asset, not a liability. If you’re trying to like things you don’t like, or feel like your behavior or personality is constantly being criticized, this is not “The One.”
2. You find yourself trying to convince the other person of your worth.
When it’s the right situation, the other person will always see the value of what you bring to the table. In fact, they may be excited about elements of you that even you take for granted. You’ll feel appreciated and valued. If you have to beg for appreciation, their time, acknowledgement or have to convince someone of your worth, they are NOT “The One”
3. In the depths of your soul, you know you are settling.
If fear has you making excuses for why this situation could work even though it does not line up with your heart’s vision, your beliefs, values and standards, it’s NOT “The One.” Be honest with yourself, why are you settling? Is it because your expectations really are unrealistic or not authentic? Or is it because you’re afraid that you can’t have what you really want?
There’s no getting around it. When your values aren’t aligned, there’s bound to be conflict – unresolvable conflict. Simply put, “values” are the things you think really matter in life. What you value is what you put first. Your values guide your decisions, how you treat people, and the vision that you have for what you want your life to look like. If you don’t share similar values, eventually you will have to compromise too much of yourself to make it work in the long term.
4. If another opportunity came along, you’d take it.
When you find “The One,” you’re not holding out and hoping for something better. What you have brings such contentment that your entire focus is on savoring and making the most of the opportunity right in front of you. If that’s not how you feel, this is NOT “The One.” “The One” is what you are willing to accept as is. You will not try to fix it, change it or plan for some potential to eventually be reached.
5. You are not at peace about it.
Fear is normal and there will always be some level of healthy fear especially if you really know it’s “The One” and you do not want to fail or mess the opportunity up. But do you feel at peace about moving forward in spite of your fear because you truly want this? Or are you going through with it with the hope that it will grow into something better? If you’re not at peace, it’s either not right or not the right time. It is very hard and lonely to have to wait, have the faith, courage and strength to believe that the “perfect” love or opportunity will make its way to you, because there is no such thing as perfect. You have to be at peace with whatever decision or person you choose for what it is and for whom they are at the moment, right now because you know that it feels right and aligns with who you are. If not, it is NOT or they are NOT “The One.”